Sex,Blood and Rock n Roll..

I came home a while ago. And I have nothing to do now..my head is spinning around. I needed to sit down and just breath slowly. My head feels so heavy. I don't know what to do..maybe i'll paint a little. Usally when I feel like this I paint or play guitar. But right now I don't feel like anything. But It's nice weather today, maybe i'll paint outside..

I feel so torn. Fucking hate it..it's so frustrating to feel low when everybody else feels the opposite. I'm feeling torn..Some relatives of mine doesn't seem to care about me anymore. We are not as close as we used to and maybe that's life, but I don't want it to be like this. One is never returning my calls and never keeps in touch and just keeps ignoring me. The other one is embaressed to have me in her life for some reason..and she doesn't think that we can be friends because i'm not 100% like her. It feels like i'm back in 7th grade again. So pathetic...and this is why i'm feeling torn. Two of my nicest friends are out of my life. I'm doing the best I can to not beat myself up and think that this is my fault. There is nothing wrong with me..but sometimes I really need to hear that from another person than myself.

Sue, you always listen. I'm really grateful :)